I would like to thank everyone for understanding my situation for deleted just about every site except PAO, PAO forum, PAO chat, the wana list, my blog and PAO newsletter.

It was a long time coming and there were TOO MANY sites for us to handle. Let's focus on the important and move forward.

No I am not recovering or shutting down PAO. I am incredibly busy. My number will be changing too so keep your eyes open!

Love you!

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I just want to take the time out and thank everyone who has ever touched my life in one way or another. I know this is going to sound cheesy, but please bear with me while I get some feelings out.

To the haters - I say a special thanks to all of you, every last one of you. You have proved to me that the world can be a cold and bitter place. Without you, I would be more trusting and naive to anyone in my path. Even with my own family’s guidance I would have given you all more chances than you deserve. So thank you. Thank you for making me stronger and a more thickly skinned individual than a person should ever be. I am grateful of the caution I have now when visiting members or other online sites. Even making comments on a blog can be a chore. But I am not bitter. No. I am not like the many people that have no lives. You gave me humor in a place where I felt most comforted. You taught me more about people in general, than a girl could ever wish for. My eyes are more open now than ever before. You made me see that people can more cruel and evil online than in real life. I've learned so much from you than words can describe. Thank you.

To my family - I can't even begin with thanks. I don't think there's a word to describe how I feel about my family. It's so personal; I'd rather say it to their faces. But even online I think of them every day and their guidance has proved invaluable. 

To my friends - You all are great teachers to me. It's true we learn something new every day and that cannot be more real than now. I think I've learned more about friendship and love from my friends online than I ever had in real life. To me that's really sad. Strangers online should not compensate for real life human companionship. But this isn't an ordinary life is it? Who’s to say who my real friends are and who aren’t? Where is that invisible line that we cross every day in the chat room or forum? I don't believe there is one. Not when it comes to you, my dearest friends. Without you there would be no me, no happiness, no nothing. I would be forever trapped in myself. Because of my friends I've pulled through some incredibly dark and evil times in my own life. I don't know too many people who can pick up a phone at 3 am and call their friends for comfort. It seems to me the friends online have more patience and understanding than any I've ever had in real life. Even friends I've met in person from PAO have become my lifelong friends. Even in extreme absence (many years) old friends come back and remember you, even when you can't seem to remember them. Even when you've fought, cried, and laughed together it seems so benign to others. But to be it's the greatest gift I could ever get. So I thank all of you, I appreciate you, and I wish you happiness this holiday season. My gratitude is my small little gift I can bear. I hope we all remain friends for a while lifetime to come. G-d bless all of you.

See the full gallery on Posterous

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I had to repost this, there were TOO MANY grammatical errors and misspellings. Just a quick update on the diet pill front. They don't seem to work on me. I don't know why, I think it's because I've tried every single diet pill known to man. I would suggest these diet pills to novice users only.

I am going to try yellow bullets. They seem to have good reviews and work for other people. Again I will make posts and updates on my progress.

Thanks for reading!

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On a side note I am loving the new Android apps that are coming out and the ones that are impoving. So with that said, yes I am officially on Day 3 of my fasting. What am I consuming?

• COFFEE! About 8 cups a day. I include 2 equals and a small amount of non-dairy creamer (powedered). 
• WATER! 64+ fluid ounces.
• TEA! 2 cups at night plain.

I need to post some thinspo too. I also updated PAO a little, there were some errors and things needing to be fixed. Also added Cyne from PAO as a TPAF.us manager, YummySecrets is one too. Speaking of YummySecrets, CALL ME WHEN YOU SEE THIS! I still need to go over things with her lol.

So how s everyone else in the Pro Ana world doing? Good I hope. We are still accepting illistrations, poety, and stories for "Adventures in Hungerland" e-book. Don't worry we'll credit you!

Another good thing about fasting is I can clean my house top to bottom today. I need to get some paper and stuff and start drawing. I think i'll call my brother (he's an artist) and see if he can do an illistration. That should be fun.

See the full gallery on Posterous

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Seriously, I know Wordpress is the shit (and ALWAYS WILL BE) but for blogging Posterous has to be my favorite. Why? 

• It's portable. You can take it on your phone.
• You can transfer old blog to it.
• It's not complicated.
• You can point your domains to it without paying.
• It's free.
• It autoposts your blog posts ANYWHERE you want them to go (EASY!)
• Xanga can't top this shit at all.
• Not even Blogger. Sorry Blogger!

BUT, what Poster can't do Wordpress does. So I keep both. Wordpress for websites and Posterous for blogging.

Moving on to fasting and all my personal monstrocities! 

Still fasting, I believe this is day two. I need some broth and I need a ton of water! I went into work today too, so If you missed me, well I'm a busy person.

I hope all my fasters and friends are having a good day today. I am!

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Are we going to gain weight during the holiday season? HELL NO! Watch what the hell you eat and make sure you have time set aside for working it out! My fast starts today at midnight. (The fasting clock I put up might be a tad off?) I resume 500 calories and under this Friday,

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I really hate having a period, but such is life and we all must trek the abomination that is womanhood. Cramps, headaches, and extreme exhaustion on my end, friends, but I am here! I updated several pages, decked out PAO's website and forum theme. Members can choose what theme they want for the forum and the main site looks super fresh.

All week I had appointments but thank G-d all done with those now, so I can relax. The big question is, am I going to eat tomorrow? If I do I'm keeping it under 500 calories. No one is going to complain at least, and it'll make everyone happy. With all these cramps and bloating, I can't touch anything anyway.

Been fasting about 5 days straight, then stuck to under 500 calories for about three days including today. I just didn't drink enough water today, I can feel it.

So what is everyone doing for the holidays? Let me know by commenting back to this post!

HAPPY TURKEY DAY TO ALL MY ONLINE FRIENDS!

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No not really, but this is what I got when I checked the Pro Ana Online hate e-mail:

Look at the specifics and criteria, Beth, before you judge an entire site, it's members, and managers. This is why we ask questions to safeguard others.

YEAH ANOREXIA IS JUST A MENTAL THING AND THERE'S NOTHING PHYSICAL ABOUT IT. PEOPLE DIE EVERYDAY OF STARVATION AND MALNUTRITION, BY JUST THINKING ABOUT IT. 

HOW DIP-SHITED IS THAT?

It's PEOPLE LIKE YOU, (and wanarexics) that make us ask these questions. PEOPLE LIKE YOU Beth, make our members feel uncomfortable and paranoid.

Eating disorders ARE mental illnesses, they are also physical maladies too. Have you ever heard of a healthy looking anorexic? I certainly haven't. What about a bulimic with great teeth, and no acid reflux? Me neither. 

Take your ignorance elsewhere.

By the way, Beth's e-mail address is: twizzlinsticks@hotmail.com

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No this isn't a depressing post! Just can't believe how busy I've been. Still waiting on my phone company to send me my equipment. I hate waiting.

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I hope this doesn't sound cliche or corny but I really do love Lindsay Lohan for her physique and for her seemingly "normal" life amid fame. To me she isn't the typical celebrity, she gets in trouble and has real issues (drugs, and alcohol). The only difference between us and them is, that if something goes bad for them it's very public.

I actually feel for Lindsay. She doesn't seem to have a fake personality. I think that's why she's my thinspiration. To me she's the real deal.

Attached are some of my favorite thinspo images of her:

I was also wondering what I should do this week as far as intake and exercise is concerned. I think I will stick to liquids for this week, and as low calorie as possible. The normal staple of coffee, ice water (a lot of it), some tea, and 5 calorie chicken broth as needed. I am also going to remember to take my fiber laxative of top of that.

As far as exercise, I need to start a steady regimen. By next month I do want to get a treadmill and really start getting motivated in the morning. I should start our slow for now.

Morning -

100 sit ups
100 crunches
100 push ups

Evening -

100 sit ups
100 crunches
100 push ups

Seems harmless enough.

What are YOUR plans for this week? Who's YOUR thinspiration?

See the full gallery on Posterous

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I don't take threats very lightly and neither does any other manager on PAO.

See below:

Dear Madam,

You are using a work that I own the copyright of. The name of the work involved is “Pay Atttention: Signs your teammate may have an eating disorder". It appears on a site operated by you at http://proanaonline.com/?p=646. I have reserved all rights to this work, which was first published on http://sports.yahoo.com/top/news?slug=ycn-8947851 in 2011.

Your copying and or use of my work, which appear at the link above, is unauthorized. You neither asked for nor received permission to use the piece nor to make or distribute copies of them in the manner you have. Furthermore, you have taken credit for my work and caused confusion as to whom the original author of the work is. Therefore, I believe you have willfully infringed my rights under 17 USC §101, et seq. and could be liable for statutory damages as high as $100,000. Further, such copyright infringement is a direct violation of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act and International Copyright Law.

I demand that you immediately cease the use and distribution of the work and all copies of it, that you remove any further works you may have stolen and that you desist from this or any other infringement of my rights in the future. Furthermore, I demand that you post an apology on the site clarifying who the real author is and that you inform others that might have been misled by your misuse of the works' origins.

If I have not received proof of compliance from you within 72 hours, I shall consider taking the full legal remedies available to rectify this situation including contacting my lawyer and/or your site's administrators.

Sincerely,

Samantha Van Vleet

So I shot my own letter back:

Pro Ana Online is not responsible for the RSS feed that Google.com is responsible. 

Pro Ana Online cannot physically make changes for Google.com nor does Pro Ana Online work for them. You must take your notice or action to them. 

You removed a Pro Ana Online manager's reply explaining public domain, and Google.com publishing.

Pro Ana Online will save your e-mail and this e-mail for future filing with our attorney. We are afraid given your past record with Pro Ana Online you may delete these e-mails as you have deleted other things from our forum. For example, several of your posts including our explanations to you.

We are also informing you, officially, that you have been banned from our forum as you have broke several of our rules:

1. You stated you had a specific eating disorder when the criteria of that eating disorder was not ever met.

2. Your intent of joining Pro Ana Online was against the rules of the site. Instead of comradery you created a negative and hostile environment for others to enjoy the forum.

3. You made multiple accounts, which of course infringes on the site rules.

4. Your use of using multiple IP addresses causes alarm among managers of the site who monitor IP changes. The IP addresses in question were changed beyond the normal circumstance. The IP addresses are as follows:

209.193.21.52 / 74.124.97.255

5. The IP addresses in question are from different parts of the world which begs the question of your validity on the Internet and of course malicious intent and/or fraud.

Very truly yours,

Pro Ana Online 

I e-mailed her as well and told her how to get a hold of Google to get her article removed from there. Then I called her Internet Service Provider and my lawyer too. 

She is also spamming PAO's comment section. Please note the IP address. Also note the different aliases too.

Your scare tactics will not sway me. You don't scare me, the managers or PAO members. Some "writer" you are. What writer sells their works to someone else, and that someone else claims to be a writer? Then you want to threaten us with legal action for Google News posting it in their RSS feed? By the way millions of sites use Google News for news and for publishing news. You have a long way to fall before you can touch us.

UPDATE: Thank G-d we don't work with brainless idiots. Our account was re-instated. 

Look: http://www.xs.to/photo/129379

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Again another untimely absense (sos sorry!) I really need to work on PAO and TSA forum and get the fuck with it. I haven't tweeted either. Thank G-d everything is going ok for me. I start back to University this January. 

I am going to start this bikini work out DVD I found while unpacking some old boxes. It looks interesting to say the least. I can't even remember where I bought it. I am also restarting my Farenheit pills. I don't think I gave those much of a chance.

Tomorrow I'm keeping it simple, chicken broth, lots of water, some coffee (I've cut back a lot) and a good work out. For the morning I'll do my Yoga, and afternoon a good work out and a nice nap. Unless I have some job offers knocking down my door before January that's going to have to be my routine. I have to stick with it.

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People who live in glass houses should not throw stones. For someone who self harms, you should really mind your business. 

Also, why are you on my twitter? 

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For those of you that don't know, I'm fasting (big surprise there). I ordered Fahrenheit from eVitamins a few days ago to coinside with the 10 pounds challenge for Team MK (see The Starvation Army for more info.)

Here's what it looks like:

The recommended dosage is 2 pills twice a day with 2 full glasses of water (not to exceed 4 pills a day). 

Here's what the pills look like with a penny included for size comparison:

#teammk #starvationarmy #tenpounds

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I know it's a silly title, but I hope that it gets your attention. Toxic Shock Syndrome is very real and deadly to boot.

You Are Loved is a non profilt organsization that educates woman on this life threatening illness that can kill menstrating women. Did you know that TSS kills up to 100,000 each year in the United States alone. 5% of all Toxic Shock cases are fatal.

So who's at risk? Menstrating woman, woman who use barrier contraceptives, those who've underwent nasal surgery, and poster-operative staph infections.

Choosing between using tampons and pads should be an easy decision. Compared with a life threatening and potentially fatal illness, why choose comfort or convienience over your own life? The next time you go to the store to get feminine supplies think of these facts and statistics. It could be your own life you end up saving.

Please visit You Are Loved and get educated. It could be the best choice you've ever made. 

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In honor of reaching almost 4,000 followers on Pro Ana Twitter I've decided we need to do a contest in a BIG WAY. But I need suggestions!

Please reply back with your ideas!

If there are no suggestions then there will be no contest! Help us out!

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I am starting my fast today. Trying to lose some more weight. I'm trying to go for 10 pounds in a week. I don't know if that will work. I haven't been very active on Twitter, so sorry about that. I'll be catching up on the websites again for this week.

If anyone wants to start this goal with me you can, I don't mind.

• Goal: 10 pounds in 7 days.
• Intake: Coffee, Tea, Diet soda, Celery, boullion cube broth, chewing gum, and/or medication.
• Exersice: Yoga.
• Other: Smoking and diet pills are allowed.

The Thinspiration Station has two new posts. I could not transfer WP to Posterous. Sucky.

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First of all I would like to publicly apologize to all my online friends for not being around as often as I should. I love you all so much, it's just a little difficult for me at the moment to be available. I hope you can understand. You have my number and you can call or text me any time you want (my number is in my forum signature or you can PM via the PAO forum).

PAO has been up almost 4 years, I am so very proud of that and proud of all the members. No matter what path you want to choose (recovery or not) we will always be friends. I just hope everyone understands that I have a life offline and I do need some focus on that too. It's NOT that I hate anyone, that I'm leaving, shutting anything down, or in recovery: I just need space sometimes. I will never leave, or shut PAO down. It's a part of my life as much at it is yours. It's not my ENTIRE life though. I truly hope you all understand that and respect my decision to go on hiatus every now and then.

Moving on...

I've lost weight. I am not happy about it because it's still not good enough for me. A pound here and there (it hasn't gone up, just down). I've been under the weather to say the least. I ache all over and I just want to curl up and wish for summer again. I hate the cold, the snow, and grey clouds. Why can't it be summer all the time?

I am a vegetarian again, I mostly skip meals completely and when I do eat it's all vegetables and fruit. I still eat broths though (not homemade the cubed kind). I still love my coffee and tea, but I barely drink soda any more. I don't know what's changed with me. Hormones? I still get my menstrual cycle too. Gross.

I went on PAO forum today and made an announcement, I checked my messages too. I need to go to SA and ban people, check my e-mail and post in the Thinspiration Station blog for all you wonderful members! 

I'm still around, just not as often as normal. I love you all anyway. :-)

-Skinny

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Doing good by the way plus working on the forums. :-)

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